


12 Days of Festive Mayhem

by lqior_astra



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: 12 Days of Christmas, Christmas Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Jisbon, Romance, Set around S3, Team is mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28279131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lqior_astra/pseuds/lqior_astra
Summary: Lisbon begins receiving gifts at work: one for each of the twelve days of Christmas. Will her mysterious admirer reveal himself by the holidays?
Relationships: Patrick Jane/Teresa Lisbon
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	12 Days of Festive Mayhem

**Author's Note:**

> Heya!!
> 
> This came from a request from my sister to write some Christmas chaos surrounding our favorite couple. Also, yes, I am aware that technically the 12 days of Christmas happen after the actual holiday, but for the sake of the story, they're before the 25th. The title came from a documentary I was watching on Hampton Court Palace. Apparently, the jesters provided 'twelve days of festive mayhem', and I was immediately reminded of a certain character! ;) I know this prompt has probably been done a million times, but I thought I'd share my take!

The Christmas tree should have been her first clue. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t dealt with Jane’s antics before, but Teresa Lisbon did not expect it to go as far as it did. 

It was a typical Monday morning. Lisbon went to work as usual, at the same time as usual. Right at 7:30, the elevator dinged and she headed straight to her office after fixing herself a cup of coffee. She was so exhausted that she almost didn’t see it at first. A large fir tree sat between Jane’s couch and his unused desk, strung with some warm white lights and wrapped in caution tape instead of ribbon. Jane was nowhere in sight. For a moment, she thought she was dreaming, but instead of asking questions or looking for Jane, she continued into her office, determined to get some paperwork done before he inevitably came in to bother her. 

Her fears came true the moment she heard chatter from Rigsby and Van Pelt in the bullpen. Jane, supposedly passing by on his way to get a cup of tea, stuck his head into her office. 

“Good morning, Lisbon!” 

“Jane.” 

He muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, “Someone’s testy this morning.” 

“I don’t suppose you know anything about that tree in the bullpen?” Lisbon asked, not looking up from her work. “Because no one else was here when I got in this morning, and it just seems like something you would do. What are you up to?” 

Jane raised his hands innocently. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lisbon. I was merely trying to bring some much needed Christmas cheer into this dismal office. It’s hard to stay positive with the spike in crime that always seems to happen around the holidays.” 

She set her pen down and fixed him with a stare. “You’re planning something. I don’t like it.” 

“I assure you, this is perfectly normal behavior for someone who is avid about celebrating Christmas. Not like you’d know anything about that.” 

“Oh, hush.” 

Quickly deciding it was better to leave than to incur Lisbon’s wrath, he strode out to the bullpen where the rest of the Serious Crimes Unit was trying to determine who had put the tree in the middle of their workspace. Rigsby had just finished trying to convince Cho that it was Jane when he confirmed it himself. 

“It’s beautiful, Jane,” Van Pelt said, eyes sparkling. “Did you okay it with Lisbon?” 

He waved her off. “She loves it, don’t worry.” 

It did not escape anyone’s notice that Jane avoided the question. Things seemed to settle down after that, the only sound in the bullpen the clicking of Van Pelt’s keyboard or the rustling sound of pages turning as Cho read his latest novel. Lisbon stayed in her office for most of the morning, emerging to eat a sandwich with Jane at the diner down the street before disappearing back into mounds of paperwork. 

By late afternoon, Jane found himself sitting inconspicuously on the couch with a cup of tea, waiting for something interesting to happen. He finally got his wish when the elevator ding signaled someone’s arrival, and a delivery man wheeled in a large parcel on a dolly. 

“I have a delivery for Agent Teresa Lisbon?” the man asked, butchering the pronunciation of her last name. 

Jane thanked the man and told him she would be right out. After signing for the package, Lisbon just stared at it incredulously. 

“Aren’t you going to open it?” Jane asked. 

She opened the box slightly to reveal a plant, or rather, a small tree. Removing the thing from its box turned out to be a chore, but it had a tag tied around the trunk and a little ornament of a bird clipped to a branch. The note read, “On the first day of Christmas…” 

Jane chuckled. “Looks like you have a secret admirer, Lisbon!” 

“You mean you didn’t send it?” she asked, frowning. 

“No. It’s interesting that you thought I might have. Do you have any idea who it might be?” 

Lisbon looked puzzled. “No, I really don’t. I suppose it may have been Walter, but…” she trailed off. 

A pang of jealousy coursed through Jane at the mention of Walter Mashburn. The charming billionaire had tried to sweep Lisbon off her feet the first time they met, and Jane assumed he had succeeded when they met again on a recent case. She hadn’t mentioned him since, though, so he was almost certain that they weren’t together. 

Jane helped her put the tiny tree in a corner of her office before she locked up for the night. Lisbon went home confused, not quite knowing what to make of the gift or of Jane’s insistence that he hadn’t sent it. 

_ 

When she went into the office on Tuesday morning, she followed her usual schedule but was interrupted again just before lunch by someone arriving with a package that she needed to sign for. This time, she received a wooden crate with holes poked in the side. It almost looked like there was something...alive inside? 

“Oh no,” Jane remarked, appearing at her side out of nowhere. “You know what this is, don’t you?” 

“No, I don’t. And if somehow you know, I’d appreciate you not spoiling the surprise,” Lisbon retorted, prying the lid off the box. 

Two tiny birds sat in a wire cage, chirping happily at each other. Lisbon sucked in a breath and her face went red. One of the birds hopped over to where her hand was and playfully pecked at her fingers. 

“Oh my god,” she whispered. “Are these...are they?” 

Jane grinned as if to say ‘I told you so”. 

“They’re turtle doves,” Lisbon breathed, stroking a finger over the back of one of the birds. Their wings were a beautiful caramel color with black loops around them. The bird that Lisbon happened to be petting preened and settled into her touch. “I can’t keep them,” she said, distressed. “I don’t even know how to take care of a bird!” 

“Relax. There’s probably somewhere you can take them to make sure they’re looked after.” 

Sure enough, on the tag was the address of California Waterfowl Rescue, a bird sanctuary that happened to be located right on the outskirts of Sacramento. The note read, predictably, “On the second day of Christmas…” 

Lisbon worked for the rest of the day with the two little birds in her office, most of the team stopping by to see them and feed them peanuts taken from the break room. 

_ 

Wednesday played out much the same in the morning, except no new packages arrived for her. Lisbon went out for lunch with the team at O’Malley’s and came back to file arrest paperwork to close out their latest case. When she returned, however, a box wrapped with a bright red bow was sitting on her desk. 

The note on the outside said, “I didn’t think you’d appreciate more birds. Don’t worry, these aren’t real. On the third day of Christmas…” 

Opening the gift revealed three little beanbag chickens, each with a little flag attached to the ribbon around its neck. 

“Three French hens,” Lisbon whispered, giggling softly to herself as she set them on top of her computer monitor. 

Unbeknownst to her, Patrick Jane hovered right outside her office door, smiling as he saw the surprised look on her face. 

_ 

On Thursday, Lisbon reminded her team that she would be in admin meetings for most of the day, and to handle any calls that came in. She left with Hightower around ten, off to meet with Director Bertram and the rest of the top brass. 

The moment she left, the team ambushed Jane. 

“We know it’s you who’s been sending her those gifts,” Cho said. “Why?” 

Rigsby scratched his head. “Wait...Jane’s been sending Lisbon those presents?” 

“Of course he has!” Van Pelt said, smacking his arm. “It’s perfectly obvious that he has feelings for her.” 

Jane sighed and sat down heavily on the couch. “You’re right. I’ve been sending the gifts.” 

“Why? Are you interested in dating her? The boss doesn’t seem like your type,” Cho said matter-of-factly. 

“Maybe she’s not,” Jane admitted. “Lisbon’s far too good for me anyhow. But I do have feelings for her, even if she doesn’t return them, and she deserves this kind of devotion from a man. I decided to keep it a secret because I didn’t want her to stop taking this seriously.” 

Van Pelt nodded. “I got it. So you want us to keep your secret?” 

“Yes. There’s another delivery coming for her today, it’s the fourth, so I got four birds. They’ll have to go to that wildlife preserve as well, but I thought it would liven up the day.” 

He wasn’t wrong. With the help of the team, Jane snuck the wirework cage into Lisbon’s office, leaving it on the table across from her desk. The four little birds chirped and sang for most of the morning, so they left the door of the office open in order to hear it from the bullpen. 

When Jane heard the elevator, he sat up to follow Lisbon into her office, but noticed too late that she was followed by none other than Madeleine Hightower, their new boss. He tried to distract them, but it was too late. 

“What in the hell is this?” she demanded, following Lisbon to retrieve some old files. “You’ve got birds living in your office?” 

Lisbon blushed fiercely as she tried to explain. “Ma’am, someone’s been sending me these gifts, and I don’t know who they are. This is the second shipment of birds this week, I keep having to take them to this wildlife center not far from here.” 

“You promise to get them out of here as soon as possible?” Hightower asked, still a little confused. 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“Then I’m not concerned. I’ll get these files sent out straight away.” Hightower turned as if to leave the office, but decided against it. “And Lisbon?” 

“Yes?” 

“Find out who your secret admirer is. Clearly, he thinks very highly of you.” 

_

On Friday, they caught a case out in Oakland. The team was gone for most of the day, conducting interviews and canvassing neighbors. By the time they got back to headquarters, it was too late to keep working, so Lisbon sent everyone home. She went back to her office to get her laptop bag and car keys but noticed a tiny box in the middle of her desk. 

It was black velvet, long and thin, wrapped with a gold ribbon. The tag on the bow said, “On the fifth day of Christmas…” 

She opened the box with a little gasp. It was a bracelet, a gold chain bracelet with five little interlocking circles where it went around her wrist. And naturally, when she tried it on, it was a perfect fit. Lisbon turned her arm in and out of the dim light to catch its reflection. It was gorgeous. And so unlike anything she ever wore. Which, she supposed, was part of its charm. 

Whoever kept sending her these gifts was doing a damn fine job, Lisbon thought to herself. Even with the chaos of all the birds.

_

After a refreshing weekend of catching up on sleep, Lisbon came into the office the following Monday energized and relaxed. To no one’s surprise, Jane wasn’t there, but she entered her office to find a little gift bag sitting on her couch. Jane came in right as she opened the present, watching her face light up in amused recognition as she read the tag aloud. 

“I promise no more birds, okay? On the sixth day of Christmas…” she whispered, running a finger along the handwriting as if she could tell who wrote it by how it felt. 

Jane cleared his throat. “What’s today’s gift, Lisbon?” 

“Oh, hey, Jane.” She tried in vain to hide the gift bag. “I don’t know. I haven’t opened it yet.” 

“Well don’t let me stop you. I’m just as curious as you are, seeing as how the sixth day of Christmas is geese.” 

Lisbon pulled the gift out from in between layers of tissue paper, stifling a laugh. 

“Well? What is it?” Jane frowned. 

“It’s a pair of socks. With geese on them,” Lisbon said, showing him the pattern and laughing. “That’s creative! Whoever is sending me these gifts really has a sense of humor.” 

“It’s clever,” Jane admitted. “You really don’t have any idea who it is?” 

“None whatsoever,” Lisbon replied sadly. “How am I supposed to thank him if I don’t know who he is?” 

“Maybe the poor guy will show up at the end of the twelve days and sweep you off your feet. You deserve to be happy, Lisbon, you really do.” 

_

After a frustrating Tuesday afternoon conducting witness and suspect interviews to no avail, Lisbon joined Jane in the kitchenette for a cup of tea. He could tell she was keyed up, so he fixed her a cup of chamomile tea to help settle her down. It didn’t help his cause that she was checking over her shoulder every five minutes, as if her mystery admirer would pop out of nowhere. 

“It’s just the strangest thing,” Lisbon was saying. “It’s not like I’m in a relationship right now. It seems a bit extravagant to go all out in trying to impress me like this.” 

Jane nodded. “Maybe the poor guy doesn’t think he has a chance with the famed Agent Teresa Lisbon and is trying to impress you before you even meet.” 

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think the gifts were from you.”

He chuckled. “I can assure you, if I were to try to sweep you off your feet, I’d go a different route than wooing you with gifts.” 

“Oh really?” Lisbon said, putting her hands on her hips. “And what exactly would you do?” 

“That’s for me to know.” 

She stuck her tongue out at him. “Cheater. You can’t bribe me with something like that and then not tell me!” 

“I just did. Did you already receive your gift for today?” Jane asked, deftly changing the subject. 

“No, actually. Maybe I should check.” 

He accompanied her to the office, ever-present cup of tea in hand. Upon closer inspection, a thick envelope was wedged in her closed laptop. When she opened it, a ton of little white sequins that looked like snowflakes fell out, followed by seven expertly folded origami swans. 

“These are beautiful,” Lisbon said, admiring the cherry blossom pattern on one of the swans. “I can’t believe someone took all the time to make this.” 

And at that moment, looking at the smile on her face, Jane knew that this little gift had been worth every minute of his time. 

_

Teresa Lisbon never would have thought that ice cream in December would taste so good, but here she was, proven wrong. 

It was a slow day, the members of the Serious Crimes Unit choosing to lay around the bullpen waiting for a case than finish paperwork or study cold cases. Jane had just finished demonstrating yet another card trick and winning twenty dollars from Rigsby in the process, when the elevator signaled the arrival of a delivery. 

“Another package for Teresa Lisbon,” the man shouted, starting to get tired of being called up to the bullpen so many times in so few days. “Sign here please.” 

The delivery was signed for and dropped off with her. It was packaged in one of those disposable foam coolers used to transport goods shipped in dry ice. In this case, though, it was just normal ice, filling the box up about halfway. Lisbon was about to open it when she noticed the tag on top. 

“Apparently it’s frowned upon to send a singing telegram these days. On the eighth day of Christmas…” 

The cooler contained ice cream, much to Lisbon’s excitement. There were a few varieties, but it was the good stuff, shipped from her favorite ice cream parlor. She ended up sharing with the rest of the team because there was no way she could eat it all on her own. 

“I don’t get this one,” Lisbon admitted to Jane as they shared a pint of mint chocolate chip. 

“Let’s see. Eighth day of Christmas...that’s eight maids a-milking. Maybe they sent ice cream because of the milk connection?” 

“Oh! You’re right, that’s probably it.” 

Lisbon put the rest of the pints of ice cream in her freezer at home, saving them for the next day off. 

_

Thursday had been quite a trying day. Up at five in the morning to drive to a crime scene, Lisbon hadn’t gotten back until close to midnight, with no time to stop back by headquarters. Slightly disappointed that she’d have to wait to see if another delivery had come in for her, she headed home for a long bath and a glass of wine. 

Just before she turned the key to open up her apartment, the toe of her boot collided heavily with a package on the doorstep. 

“I didn’t order anything,” Lisbon muttered to herself, reluctantly taking the thing inside.

Upon closer inspection, the package resembled the gifts she had been receiving all week, tied with a large green ribbon and a tag that said, “On the ninth day of Christmas…” 

Lisbon tore the paper off to reveal a CD case, with one disk inside labeled: Songs for Teresa. 

Her original plans quickly forgotten, Lisbon put the CD in her player to see what was on it. A combination of classic rock and pop music played as she listened, and despite the tiredness that settled in her bones, she had to get up and dance a little bit when her favorite Spice Girls song came on. 

_

On Friday, Lisbon came into the office late, slightly embarrassed that she had stayed up listening to her gift CD as long as she had. Of course, her tardiness did not go unnoticed by Patrick Jane, who immediately demanded to know what had kept her attention away from her usual workaholic nature. 

“I overslept,” Lisbon offered lamely. 

Jane blinked, knowing this was the truth but only part of it. “Liar.” 

“I’m not lying!” 

High voice. This wasn’t good. 

“Teresa, you know that omission of the truth is considered lying, right?” 

She rolled her eyes. 

“So, are you going to keep embarrassing yourself by lying to me? Or are you just going to confess?" Jane asked. 

"There's nothing to confess, Jane! I overslept. Honestly, there's nothing wrong with that. Now quit badgering me, and let me work!" 

He left her alone after that, although there was something suspicious about a woman who had likely never been late to work in her life, suddenly starting to come into the office half an hour after she usually did. Jane was determined to get the truth out of her. 

At lunch, he cornered her. 

“What marvelous gift from your mystery lover did you get yesterday, Lisbon? I didn’t see anything in your office when I came in after we got back from Oakland,” he pointed out. 

“You were snooping in my office?” 

“Just...looking. I’m honestly as engaged in this as you are, but for different reasons. I enjoy finding out what gifts you’re getting because I like the creative aspect.” 

Lisbon sighed. “I suppose you have some idea. Nine ladies dancing.” 

“So what gift went with that?” 

“A CD. It was a compilation of songs, and they all happened to be ones I like. I wonder how they knew?” Lisbon mused, taking a bite of her sandwich. 

“A mystery indeed. And have you gotten a gift yet today?” 

“No,” she admitted. “I honestly don’t go looking for them anymore, I’ve been waiting for them to show up.” 

And she was right. As Lisbon was leaving the office, she found a tiny wrapped box on the windshield of her car. Eagerly, she ripped off the paper to reveal ten little ornaments. Tiny tin soldiers in various jumps and poses, painted different bright colors stared back at her, along with a little note that said, “I’m sure you’ve gotten the hang of this. On the tenth day of Christmas…” 

Lisbon picked up one of the exquisite little ornaments, turning it around in her hand. They looked handcrafted, with little quirks and telltale signs that no one was like any of the others. With a stupidly large grin on her face, she replaced them in the box, almost unable to wait until she got home so she could hang them on her tree. 

_ 

It was two days again until Lisbon went back to the office, although she continued to work over the weekend. Just because she didn’t go into the building didn’t mean there wasn’t work to do. Jane was always getting on her case for not taking enough time for herself, but well, it couldn’t always be helped. Although, he’d probably be yelling at her if he saw her working her weekend away. 

It had been such a busy weekend that she had almost forgotten about her mysterious gift-giver by Monday, but after three budget meetings and two progress reports, she was ready for a break. Lisbon found herself on a coffee run to their favorite place, picking up an Irish breakfast tea for Jane, and coffees for everyone else. After distributing the various drinks to their recipients, she closed herself in her office, determined to get some work done without interruption. 

No sooner did she sit down than Lisbon noticed something seemed off about the office. Nothing on her desk had moved, nor had any big piece of furniture moved, but something seemed wrong. 

“Jane?” Lisbon stuck her head into the bullpen. “Get your ass in here!” 

“You called?” Jane said cheekily, stepping into the office with his tea in hand. 

“Yeah. Something seems off in here, and I can’t figure out what. You’re good at these things.” 

A wide, sarcastic smile spread across his face. “Lisbon, are you asking for my help?” 

“Shut up and tell me what’s wrong with my office.” 

Jane made a big show of sitting in her chair and lounging on her couch in order to ‘get a better perspective’, but Lisbon had a suspicion that he was doing it just to annoy her. When she was just about to ask him to quit, his face lit up. 

“Aha! Your lamp has been moved,” he said loudly. “I can help you move it back.” 

“No, thank you, Jane. I’m perfectly capable of moving my own lamp,” Lisbon replied quickly, ushering him out the door. 

When she turned on the bulb, a note was visible in the shade. It read, “Check third drawer.” Upon examination of the third drawer on the left of her desk, a wrapped box that was so familiar by now blared red and gold. Inside was a little flute, not a professional one, but a nice one nevertheless, along with a note that read, “Can’t be any harder to learn than a clarinet. On the eleventh day of Christmas…”

_ 

It was Tuesday, the last day Lisbon was working before Christmas. She came into the office in an extraordinarily good mood for the early hour, humming a Christmas carol to herself as she walked from the elevator to her office. Jane didn’t say anything, only smiled a little to himself as he heard her off-key humming from his spot on the couch. 

They worked most of the day with no hiccups or interruptions, her team getting all their paperwork filed as an incentive to go home early. Van Pelt was flying out to Iowa to spend Christmas with her family, and Cho was planning to spend the week with his family as well. Lisbon didn’t know what Rigsby was planning on doing, but she somehow suspected that he was going with Grace, as they asked for the exact same days off. 

Lisbon herself had no plans for Christmas, despite being invited to spend the holidays in Chicago with her brothers. As usual, she politely declined, claiming work was keeping her too busy to take the time off. Jane had no plans either, seeing as how his Christmases usually consisted of spending the day out walking or watching movies in his extended-stay motel room. 

Almost like clockwork, Lisbon returned from lunch to a little package in green and gold sitting on her desk. Sighing to herself, she realized that this would be the last gift, and hoped that her mysterious admirer would reveal himself to her, instead of her having to confront him herself. Inside the box was a tiny drum, very reminiscent of something she had as a child. The bright red, blue, and yellow of the paint jumped out at her as she gave it a tiny tap, giggling quietly at the nostalgia of it all. 

This time, the tag said, “On the twelfth day of Christmas...do you know who I am?” 

Mentally chiding herself as her heart gave a flutter, Lisbon reminded herself that she did not get swept off her feet that easily. 

After working for the rest of the afternoon, she bid Jane goodnight and happy holidays before heading to the elevator. Just as the doors were closing, he slid a hand between them to stop it. 

“Figured I’d head out too,” Jane explained. “Mind if I join you?” 

“Not at all.” 

“So, did your mysterious admirer reveal himself to you yet?” he asked casually, leaning against the wall. 

The elevator lurched to a stop. 

“Damn, damn, damn!” Lisbon groaned, pounding her fist on the door in frustration. “Of course the one time I’m actually ready to leave, the damn elevator stops working!” 

“You still haven’t answered my question,” he reminded her as she pressed the call button in vain. 

“I might as well since we’re stuck here for the time being. No, he hasn’t magically stepped out and declared his love for me, but I do know who he is.”

“You do?” 

Lisbon bit her lip. “Yes, I do. Who else knows that I listen to the Spice Girls? Or played the clarinet? You’re the only one who could have known. Which means you’re my secret admirer. Or should I say, ‘true love’?” 

“Congratulations, Lisbon. It’s no wonder you’re a detective.” 

“But you said you’d go a different route than wooing me with gifts,” Lisbon said, confused. “What did that mean?” 

“Look up.” 

When she did, Lisbon noticed for the first time a little sprig of mistletoe hanging from the ceiling of the elevator car. With a tiny gasp, she turned her big green eyes to Jane, almost pleading for him to just kiss her already. The moment he cupped her chin, gently brushing his lips over hers, she had no doubt in her mind that she felt the same way he did. 

It was almost magic, the moment they finally touched, as if both of them had been waiting their entire lives for the missing half. Before it could go any further, the elevator started moving again, leaving them on the first floor. 

“You’ll come over for Christmas, right?” Lisbon asked, still holding Jane’s hand. 

“Absolutely. From here on out, I will never let you spend another Christmas alone. It’s my job, after all.” 

She pouted. “And all this time I thought it was my job to protect you.” 

They were so busy bantering on the way out to the parking lot that Lisbon didn’t notice the twenty dollar bill that Jane slid over to the elevator repairman.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! I wasn't sure I was going to be able to update again before the holidays, but when inspiration strikes, you gotta go with it! Thank you all for your continued support, all the reviews mean the world to me!! Happy holidays, I hope you have a wonderful time! <3


End file.
